sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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