why didn't you poke me back
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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