YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
