I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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