i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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