Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize
