A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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