i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
