all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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