Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
