Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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