It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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