no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
