I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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