Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
