I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
