you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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