So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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