We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
