FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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