Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
