If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
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