I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Randomize
