I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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