I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
