The maid of honor just puked.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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