so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
