i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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