He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
