So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
