oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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