Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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