his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
