I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
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