So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
