I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
