never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
