So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Randomize
