Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Randomize
