I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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