The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
