stop calling my apartment porn island.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
