I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
This is classic penis vs brain.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
