so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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