i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
