Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
