weddingsv make me drug and hornr
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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