I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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