Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
