who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
