my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
