forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Randomize
