the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
