We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
