so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Randomize
