I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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